Telling Family & friends

I've been struggling for the past few weeks, debating whether or not to tell those close to me about Brandie's situation.   Nothing was going to be easy but I finally decided to tell my mother & my best friend. I knew my mother would be upset but expected it to go better than it did.

I love & respect my mother & told her that is why I choose to tell her rather than letting her find out as things progressed as Brandie changed into herself. I was very difficult for me to talk & Brandie went with me and explained a little to my mother about how she was born intersexed and how she needed to right a man made mistake as her brain is female & her body unfortuantely male. My Mom seemed to be okay with this, what she wasn't ok with is how when she asked if Brandie & I would be staying together that I said yes.  She completely shut off at the point & the anger was evident in her face. If looks could kill, I probably wouldn't be here.  My Uncle Anita has thrown lesbianism is my mother's face for years & my mother has very strongly rejected it due to being christian.  Brandie & I expressed that we weren't trying to throw anything in her  face but wanted to let her know and to let her know that neither of us labeled ourselfs as lesbians. Nothing was said seemed to matter & she told us that she needed time so that she didn't open her mouth & insert her foot.   As we left, she told me that she would speak to me later. So not good.

I'm terrified to talk to her later.  Of what she might say & how she will react. I've emailed her more about my feelings and just let her know that I loved her and respected her & that is why I let her know.  I haven't been home as I"m scared.  She did call today to tell me that the entire family was having dinner today at my Grandparents but I'm afraid that they will shove their beliefs in my face or try to exorcise me.

I was going to tell my Best Friend today but last night I decided to just to get it out of the way.  Plus that way, if she too rejected me it was done with & I wouldn't have to deal with being rejected two days in a row.   Brandie and I went to Miz K's house and she was freaking out because she thought I was dying or something.   I told her about Brandie and she was amazing about it.   She's uber excited to have a new shopping buddy & that she supports me 150% as long as I'm happy.  It was such a change and made me super happy.

So that is where things stand at the moment.   I"m afraid to go home for the fear my mother will kill me, kick me out, & disown me.  Brandie's roommates all know that my living situation is currently on teh edge & have so kindly agreed that I can move in if needed.   They are all great people and I wouldn't mind except for the fact that I want Brandie to have her own space to grow into the amazing woman that she is going to be.  I want to give her the time & opportunity to learn & develop & create who she is & wants to be.  But most of all I want her to know that I love & support her. 

One of my biggest fears about people learning that her & I are together is the rejection & disapproval from people who don't understand.  I don't in any way identify myself as lesbian or bisexual.  I think of myself as a straight girl who meet this amazing person that I'm in love with who just happens to be female. Yeah, I was initially attracted because for all outward appearances she is male.  But I know that I've got to know her for her and not the male persona that is shown to the world.  It's confusing but I'm okay with it.

I just wish people could accept without judging.  To understand that some things aren't the end of the world but a begining.  An opportunity to be real.  To have no walls.  To be unafraid to be who one really is.  To show love.